The Importance of Not Stealing Mello's Chocolate
by Light The Visionary
Summary: Stealing Mello's chocolate? BIG NO NO.


**A/N – I have written some ridiculous things in my time, but I do believe that this wins. Utter stupidity at its worst / finest.**

**Nonetheless, I do hope you enjoy.**

**Warnings; Stupidity of epic proportions, and debatable OOCness.**

**Disclaimer; Nothing is mine.**

**Dedication; CareersFTW. There ! I fucking wrote it ! I promised her this in November, after a rather excellent day out in Dublin and a monster sized can of Red Bull. And revelations that I keep Oscar Wilde in my fork. Fo' Shizzle. I hope you find this worthy of a month long wait, m'dear.**

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Mihael Keehl was in a good mood. A very good mood in fact.

It was a Saturday afternoon, the sun was shining, the birds weren't singing (Annoying little fuckers) and best of all, Mello had a bar of Dairy Milk so big it would give Willy Wonka diabetes stashed in the kitchen fridge.

As he made his way to the industrial style kitchen of Wammys House Mello even whistled a merry tune. Not that he'd ever admit it. And if you were to ever call him on it, it would be safe to say that your teeth would meet an untimely and tragic end.

No matter how good a mood he's in, you **do not** fuck with Mihael Keehl.

However, unfortunately for Mello he discovered that that was exactly what someone had done.

There, where he had placed his chocolate not 24 hours previously, was an empty shelf devoid of any chocolate whatsoever. There was not even so much as a crumb to be found.

After recovering from the initial bout of shock that came with opening the fridge and **not** finding his chocolate, Mello let out a furious how, leaving mass - goers in the nearby church cowering at the pews in fear, believing that Judgement Day had come.

He stalked out of the kitchen, fully intending to find the little prick who had stolen his precious. As he slammed the kitchen door shut, a single piece of paper which had previously been in the fridge fluttered to the ground.

_'Property of Mello._

_Do not take/eat._

_No, seriously. Don't._

_I'll fucking feed you your toes, you fuckbag.'_

Elsewhere in the building, Nate River and Mail Jeevas sat contentedly watching television unaware of the terror that was currently heading in their direction.

"_I've had enough of your lip!" "Oh, you'd like my lip, wouldn't you? Right around your bell end! If Mr Chippy doesn't get their first! What's he gonna knock up, a closet for you to hide inn? You BUMDER!"_

**BANG!**

Alas, it was not meant to be a pleasant afternoon watching inappropriate TV Shows for Near and Matt, which they realised as Mello threw open the door to the TV Room with such force that it ricocheted off of the wall so hard that it registered on the Richter Scale.

"What's up Mello?" Matt called somewhat cautiously as he exchanged slightly nervous glances with the albino sitting next to him.

And sure enough, Near had good reason to be nervous.

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING ANNIHALTE YOU, YOU FUCKING CHOCOLATE STEALING SHEEP!" Mello yelled, pulling Near violently from the couch and slamming him against the nearest wall.

He continued screaming threats and obscenities at the confused boy until a stifled noise from behind him caught his attention. He turned his head slowly, and saw Matt sitting on the couch struggling to contain his laughter. And failing epically.

Mello released Near and turned completly to face Matt, now ignoring the the albino who was comically sliding down the wall.

Mello's eye gave a manic twitch as he stared at the laughing redhead.

And then, he exploded.

"IT WAS **YOU**!" He hollared, throwing himself across the room and seizing his suddenly not-so-amused best friend by the shirt and dragging him from the couch.

Several floors away from the boys, in an attic turned bedroom, a pale, black haired man sat hunched over a laptop, watching an infuriated blonde screaming at a worried redhead and happily nomming his way through a bar of Dairy Milk labeled '**DO NOT TOUCH**'.

L Lawliet allowed himself a loud, evil cackle and silently decided that installing those security camera in the ophanages main rooms was the best thing he ever did.

* * *

**A/N – Virtual cookies to whoever can tell me what TV Show Matt and Near where watching xL**


End file.
